“I knew the McNuggets was jealous of the fries / I could see it through his artificial meat eyes”
Frank Ocean finally dropped his long-awaited new album on Saturday night, and Blonde came with an unexpected treasure: an accompanying zine that contains, among other things, an ode to anthropomorphic fast food penned by one Mr. Kanye West.
The greasy, 29-line masterpiece is accompanied by photos of Kanye taking his sleek black Lamborghini to the drive-thru window:
KANYE GETTING MCDONALDS #BLONDE pic.twitter.com/Gp3YSvcXvV
— yohana desta (@YohanaDesta) August 21, 2016
The poem tells the tale of a sinister conspiracy lurking just beneath the surface at the house that Ronald McDonald built, and, well, you’ll just have to read it:
The McDonald’s Man
Calabassas, CaliforniaMcDonalds man
McDonalds man
The French fries had a plan
The French fries had a plan
The salad bad and the ketchup made a band
Cus the French fries had a plan
The French fries had a plan
McDonalds man
McDonalds man
I know them French fries had a plan
I know them French fries had a plan
The cheeseburger and the shakes formed a band
To overthrow the French fries plan
I always knew them French fries was evil man
Smelling all good and shit
I don’t trust no food that smells that good man
I don’t trust it
I just can’t
McDonalds man
McDonalds man
McDonalds, damn
Them French fries look good tho
I knew the diet Coke was jealous of the fries
I knew the McNuggets was jealous of the fries
I could see it through his artificial meat eyes
And he only be there some of the time
Everyone was jealous of them French fries
Expect for that one special guy
That smooth apple pie
Frankly, this raises more questions than it answers. What, exactly, is the french fries’ plan? Was the apple pie in control all along? How do you get the smell of McDonald’s fries out of a Lamborghini’s interior? What kind of sauce does Kanye order with his McNuggets? Why can’t Kanye spell the name of the city where he lives?
Also, you may never be able to eat McNuggets again without thinking of their "artificial meat eyes." Thanks, Kanye.
• Kanye West Wrote a Poem About McDonald’s [Consequence of Sound]
• New Craft Beer Wistfully Remembers a Pre-Kardashian Kanye [E]
• All Kanye West Coverage [E]
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